


Redefining the Rules

by Antares_28



Series: Rules [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Eventual Smut, F/F, Family, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Romance, alex is a mom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-03 08:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12744282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antares_28/pseuds/Antares_28
Summary: "A couple of months later and it seems that sometimes, Maggie’s mind is still adjusting to her new life: the gorgeous woman taking tons of pics and the adorable toddler in her arms."This is a collection of snippets about Alex and Maggie's life together, exploring all the milestones of their relationship.It belongs to "Rules" series, as it's a kind of sequel to my story "Breaking the Rules".





	1. A day at the beach

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> It seems I can't have enough of this story and I'm writing a lot!!!
> 
> I really hope you'll like this collection, as your great response to "Breaking the Rules" has been the main reason I decided to keep writing about Alex and Maggie in this AU.
> 
> Let me know you opinion as always and thank you for your support <3

“Alex!” Maggie exclaims, her laughter echoing through the afternoon. 

Alex simply grins, playing with the zoom button of the digital camera for another minute and Maggie  sighs impatiently though she is smiling as well. She turns her head and looks at sixteen-month-old Olivia in her arms, the baby’s auburn hair that matches Alex ’s blowing in the wind and Maggie smiles, kissing one of her plump cheeks.

“Your mommy thinks she’s Steve McCurry,” Maggie murmurs against Olivia’s smooth, soft skin that smelled like baby powder, and the toddler giggles as she perfectly understands her joke.

“I heard that,” Alex informs her and Maggie laughs again.  

“I just want to make sure I get the water and the mountains in the picture too.”

Maggie smiles to herself and closes her eyes, while the baby yawns and leans forward, resting her forehead against the detective’s cheek near the corner of her mouth.

A couple of months later and it seems that sometimes, Maggie’s mind is still adjusting to her new life: the gorgeous woman taking tons of pics and the adorable toddler in her arms. 

She, Maggie Sawyer, has a family. And there had actually been a time when she didn’t want any of this, at all.

All the plans she had for herself had changed as soon as Alex Danvers, who is currently cursing under her breath because she wasn’t getting everything in the shot she wants, popped into her life.

Maggie does believe in fate though. So, moving to National City, a city with almost four millions inhabitants, and renting the apartment just in front of Alex’s has been a sign of destiny. 

And even though Maggie thought it wasn’t something she had initially wanted, she now can’t imagine anything without her Danvers girls.

She loves them so much, it feels at times that it completely consumes her.

“Got it!” Alex suddenly announces and Maggie opens her eyes, seeing her grin. “Now, I need one of you smiling.”

Maggie grins instantly, showing her dimples, and Olivia stirs in her arms. 

“Why are you so anal about  _ one _ picture?” She asks, teasing, watching as Alex steadies the camera in front of her.

“Because I need a picture of my girls for the fireplace mantel,” she answers with a shrug and somehow Maggie feels her smile grow even brighter and wider. 

“Got it,” Alex says a minute later and finally slips the camera back into the pocket of her cut-off denim shorts. 

“Her hair is out of control today,” she grins, coming back towards them and Maggie laughs, trying to smooth a hand over Olivia’s hair.

“Maggie, down!” Olivia suddenly exclaims and Maggie lowers her into the sand.

The baby immediately begins toddling towards the foreshore and her surprise squeal of laughter rings out as the waves rush in and she feels it on her feet.

Maggie promptly takes the camera from Alex’s pocket, snapping a picture, and Alex laughs as too upon listening to her daughter. No one expresses happiness like a child can and Olivia is such a joyful baby. 

She brightens their life everyday.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re frowning,” Alex  notes as she finishes rubbing suntan lotion onto her legs. She then hands Maggie the bottle as she sits next to her on the beach blanket but she takes it and drops it next to her, still frowning. 

“Maggie, even though you have darker skin, you need to put lotion on. I don’t want you burning and then whining about how painful it is. And why are you frowning? It’s a beautiful day and we’re having fun and...” she shifts herself, laying down on her stomach. Olivia is laying on her back next to them on the blanket, taking her nap. “And Ollie is with us,” Alex says.

“Yep, and she’s about to witness me murder a woman,” Maggie frowns again, but her eyes soften for a moment as she looks at her girls before turning her head again, her eyes hard. “That girl won’t stop looking over here at you.”

Alex lifts her head to look in the direction she is. “Which girl?”

“Does it matter?”

“Is she hot?” Alex sits up, after giving a kiss on one of Olivia’s plump cheeks. She can’t help but laugh as she sees Maggie frowning at her now.

“What? It’s just a question.” She shakes her head slightly.

“It was the wrong question,” Maggie says. “Here, put this on.”

She picks up the Barenaked Ladies t-shirt she was wearing when they arrived at the beach and extends it towards her. Alex gives it a dubious look, glancing down at the lilac bikini she is wearing before looking back up at Maggie.

“I’m a mom. I still have pregnancy stretch marks on my waist and thighs,” she tells her.

“Danvers... you look hot. Hence, the bitch staring at you,” Maggie says.

“ _ Maggie _ ,” Alex scold her, putting a hand over one of Olivia’s ears.

“She’s sleeping, Alex,” Maggie protests as she leans over and drapes the tee-shirt around her shoulders. Alex can’t help but laugh. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m ridiculous. But she seriously won’t stop looking at you.”

“Well, that means I’m a  _ milf _ ,” Alex shrugs.

Maggie stares at her. 

“I can’t believe you just said that. That’s exactly what you are.”

Alex  can’t keep herself from laughing again and pulls the t-shirt away from her and then she crawls around and kneels behind Maggie. 

She squirts some of the sunscreen into her hands and then begins rubbing Maggie’s shoulders and back. She knows her stubbornness. And she knows that if she burns, she will bitch and moan about it even though she told her to put lotion on.

Maggie lets out a moan as Alex’s hands massages her muscles and she smiles, pressing her lips to one of her shoulder blades. Maggie is wearing a white swimsuit and she is stunning. 

She then leans forward and whispers into her ear; “At least, I’m  _ your  _ milf.”

 

* * *

 

 

They spend the day on the beach, playing in the sand and the water, Ollie chasing Maggie, trying to catch her and then screaming and yelling when she turns on the baby and easily captures her, throwing her over her shoulder and carrying her into the water, dropping her in with a splash. Olivia loves it though and by early afternoon, she’s practically jumping onto Maggie again, wanting her to dunk them again.

Alex, who is sitting on the spread out towel, laughs as Maggie collapses next to her on her back, her body glistening with a mixture of sweat and water and her chest is heaving up and down as she tries to collect her breath from chasing Olivia around for the past three hours.

“Are you okay?” She asks, still laughing slightly.

“First my run this morning and and now this,” she answers, her eyes closed, feeling the warm sun beating down on her, already beginning to dry her. “How much am I expected to take?”

Alex smiles and tucking strands of hair behind her ears, she leans down and kisses her softly. 

“Just wait until tonight. Then we’ll really see what you’re made of… your milf is expecting great things from you, after all,” she murmurs against her lips and Maggie smirks.

“Mommy,” Ollie says, coming to them from where she has been building a sandcastle and her hand is holding her shoulder. “It hurts.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Alex says, sitting up on her knees, gently moving Olivia’s hand aside, showing the red skin. “You need more suntan lotion.”

Olivia sits down in front of her mom on the blanket and squirting a small white gob into her hand, Alex begins to carefully work it over her shoulders and arms again. Everywhere else on her body seems to be fine but Alex gives her another layer anyway. Just in case.

 

* * *

 

 

“Maggie!” Olivia smiles happily, holding up her empty yellow plastic pail. “Castle!”

“I see, Vee,” Maggie smiles back. “It’s one of the best sandcastles I've ever seen.”

Olivia manages to smile even wider before turning back towards the castle she and Alex are working on.

 Maggie sits beside them and she can’t believe the joy she’s feeling right now is real. For a long time, she has believed she didn’t deserve this kind of happiness. Now, she knows she was wrong.

 Maggie looks at Alex  – the light bronze tan of her skin, the way it makes the freckles across the bridge of her nose pop, her bright brown eyes, her dark auburn wavy hair and the way a strand blows across her cheek. And then she stares at her gleeful and curious daughter, who looks just like her mother and she feels her heart melting in her chest.

They are quiet and except for the small waves rolling in from the outer ocean and Olivia’s laughter, everything else is calm around them. She shifts in the sand, trying to get comfortable and she glances at Alex before back towards Olivia. 

The baby gives her a big smile before she comes running over with her pail and shovel, still slightly unsteady on her legs in the sand and Maggie grins as she throws herself against her, hugging her tightly and she holds her, closing her eyes.

“Love you, Maggie,” Olivia says, kissing her on the cheek, making the woman smile broadly, and then the little girl turns and scampers back towards the ocean to collect more water in her pail.

“I don’t want today to end. It’s so beautiful and warm and I’m with my two favorite people in the entire world,” Maggie whispers and Alex smiles at her.

 

 

 

 


	2. Superhero Mama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia calls Maggie "mama" for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I'm really overwhelmed by the great appreciation you showed towards this story.   
> I am so grateful for that.  
> Thank you with all my heart.  
> I promise I'll reply to your replies asap and in the meanwhile, please enjoy this new chapter.
> 
> Also, I want you to know I'm taking prompts for this collection, so tell me if you have any ideas.

The movie theatre is overcrowded as apparently every child wanted to watch “ _ The Incredibles 2 _ ”.

Three-year-old Olivia has sat in Alex’s lap for the entire first half of the movie, her mouth hanging open nearly the entire time as she tries to look at every detail. 

“I wanna be a superhero when I grow up!” Olivia excitedly exclaims at the beginning of the intermission.

“Sure, Vee,” Maggie replies. “But you know, not all superheroes wear capes… And you are gonna accomplish great things, being whoever you want to be.” 

Olivia widens her eyes and then she squeals as though she has suddenly understood a very important thing.

“You and mommy are superheroes too!” She proudly says. “You save lives!”

“That’s true, sweetie.” Alex nods and kisses her temple and Maggie grins as well.

“Now, I think it’s time to go to the restrooms and we’re going to get some more food too. We better hurry up, or we’ll miss the movie.”  Alex announces hoisting Olivia up in one of her arms. “Do you want anything?”

“I’m alright,” Maggie shakes her head with a smile, her feet propped up on the back of the empty seat in front of her but Alex promptly ignores her.

“I’ll get you those pretzel bites you like,” she then informs her, smiling as she rolls her eyes. Then, she turns and carrying Olivia, begins her descent down the stairs towards the nearest exit.

After they both use the bathroom, Alex holds Olivia up so the little girl can wash her hands in the sink before she picks her up again so not to lose her in the crowds of people and she begins walking towards one of the multiple concession stands on the lower level. Olivia is turning her head this way and that way, looking at all of the people and bright lights. 

“Are you having fun, Ollie?” Alex asks, grinning at her as Olivia nods her head eagerly.

“Yep mommy!  _ Fun _ !” She exclaims and Alex laughs slightly. 

“Mommy, look!” Olivia suddenly says, pointing her finger and Alex stops dead in her tracks, the person walking behind her nearly colliding into her backside.

Alex promptly excuses herself and stares at Olivia as the girl looks at one of the merchandise stands selling Disney-Pixar gadgets.  

“Funny headband,” Olivia then laughs and Alex turns to see it is a Pixar-Mickey inspired ears headband . The base of the ears is red fabric embellished with the Incredibles logo on one side, while the other side features a black glittered mask with brown eyes. The ears are trimmed in red sequins and the headband itself is covered in black glitter.

Alex smiles and strides over to the stand, plucking it from the wall it’s hanging on and then putting Olivia down on her feet, Alex crouches down in front of her, grinning as Olivia giggles and Alex puts the headband on.

“Do you like it?” Alex asks and Olivia nods, still smiling. 

“You’re very pretty, Ollie.” Alex states and she has to admit that she spoils Olivia a little. 

She hardly even registers the $30 price tag as she hands the cashier the money. She knows that spoiling her now will probably come back and bite her in the ass years from now but right now, Alex can’t stop herself because this girl is her entire life. And she’s always so grateful and gentle and well-behaved. 

So when Alex keeps the headmìband on Olivia’s head and taking her hand, they walk away from the merchandise stand, heading once again towards the concessions, Olivia’s eyes light up and her hand touches one of ears as  if she can’t actually believe that she has this headband now. And when she looks up at Alex, it is with complete wonderment, as if she truly doesn’t understand why Alex has bought her this.

"Thank you, mommy."

Alex simply gives her a smile though and her little hand a squeeze. “So, I want a coke, Maggie  _ needs _ pretzel bites… what about you? Popcorn?”

Olivia nods. “And mustard!” She then adds.

Alex can’t help but make a face as they get to the back of the line. “Mustard _with_ popcorn?”

Olivia giggles at that absurdity and then points up to the illuminated menu on the wall above the stand, behind the cash registers. “Pretzels. Mama likes mustard!”

Alex widens her eyes and stares at Olivia with complete astonishment, wishing Maggie was here so she could have just heard Olivia call her “mama”. She probably would burst into tears.

 

* * *

 

Once they get all of their food, Alex and Olivia head back to their seats, a few minutes left in the intermission to spare. The instant Maggie sees the headband on Olivia’s head, she bursts into a smile and looks up at Alex, giving her a curious, almost teasing look, as she sits down in her seat next to hers.

Alex just shrugs casually, handing her the plastic container with the soft pretzel bites and the packets of mustard. 

Maggie then slips her arms around her girlfriend’s neck and she kisses her, gently and lightly.

“Thank you,” she whispers and Alex smiles, lifting her free hand to the side of her head, pulling her in for another kiss.

They are in their own world as they usually are when it comes to kisses and Olivia stands in front of Maggie, watching for a moment, before shaking her thigh, instantly garnering her attention as Alex and Maggie’s lips separate and they both turn their heads to look at her. Olivia grins at them and Maggie can’t get over just how adorable Olivia looks in her new headband. The girl points to the container of pretzels in Maggie’s lap as she holds her bag of salted popcorn in her other hand.

“Can I have one?” Olivia asks.

“Of course, Vee,” Maggie says, slipping her arms from around Alex’s neck and opening the lid of the container, taking one of the pieces and handing it to Olivia.

“Thanks, mama!” Olivia exclaims, still grinning as she chews on the pretzel bite and then she turns and climbs onto her empty chair on the other side of Alex.

Maggie sits there, completely stunned, every part of her completely frozen. Her mouth hangs open and she seems to be staring at something but her eyes aren’t really focused on anything. Alex leans forward, a hand on her back, feeling as she starts to breathe faster, almost as if she is hyperventilating, and she sees her eyes glistening.

“Mags,” Alex says, leaning forward and looking at her. 

“She…” Maggie tries to say but her heart is pounding too quickly and her lungs are trying to swallow the air that she seems to have forgotten about inhaling.

Olivia just called her mama. She’s been dating Alex for more than a year and she has always been Maggie for the little girl.

But then, suddenly and completely unexpected, Olivia blurts out that one word as if she has been calling her that all along. And Maggie stares at her because she isn’t sure how she’s supposed to react.

It’s strange because even though she has been as another parental for the girl figure since she and Alex became friends, almost two years ago, she honestly hasn’t truly understood that she is Olivia’s mom until now. 

She’s _mama_. 

That’s how Olivia sees her. And Maggie feels her chest expand and a smile overtake her face as she looks at the girl and wonders if she even knows that she just said that word.

The movie has begun again but Maggie remains sitting, her mind not even focusing on being there right now. The tears are hot as they stream down her cheeks and then, feeling Alex’s hand still on her back, she turns and hugs her tightly, catching her off guard for a moment before Alex wraps her arms around her too, hugging her tightly as she feels her body shake and her tears on the side of her neck.

“I didn’t imagine that, did I?” Maggie whispers and Alex smiles, shaking her head. “No, you didn’t imagine that.”

Maggie pulls her head back, looking at her, and she smiles, a smile of such happiness, it lights her entire face and shows her adorable dimples, and it’s one of those smiles that makes Alex smile the instant she sees it. 

“She called me mama,” Maggie murmurs again, hardly believing it, almost not wanting to saying it out loud in case that makes it any less true.

Alex grins, nodding. “She called you mama,” she assures her and Maggie laughs then. “I’m her mama,” she says, that amazement still in her tone. 

Alex nods again and then she wipes at her cheeks and kisses her forehead, smiling against her.

 


	3. Blue Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lazy Sunday at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are the best readers and supporters ever ♡
> 
> I am currently working on your prompts, and I ADORE all your ideas. Nevertheless, today snippet is about a lazy Sunday morning at the Danvers-Sawyer household. Apparently, my own lazy Sunday inspired it. 
> 
> Anyway, be sure to tell me your ideas and I'll try to do do my best to fulfill them.
> 
> Hope you'll like this snapshot, let me know your opinion.

During her years in Gotham, Maggie Sawyer used to be very particular in how she spent her Sunday mornings. She got up, made sure whatever woman she had brought home with her the night before left, and then left herself to go to the gym and do her yoga exercises . On her way back, she would stop at coffee shop for a black coffee and a double-toasted bagel with blueberry jam and then returning to her place, settling in for a lazy morning.

She can’t remember the last time she actually spent a Sunday morning like that though. That had been a long time ago, before she met her Danvers girls.

The first thing she hears this Sunday morning is a giggle. Not an Alex giggle – she knows those immediately – but a little kid giggle and keeping her eyes closed, she rolls onto her side, not ready to wake up yet. She then feels a soft finger on her face, tracing the shape her lips accompanied with another chuckle. Maggie still doesn’t open her eyes but she does her best to fight back a smile.

From downstairs, she can hear Gertrude, the family Irish Setter dog, barking at something and someone turns on the television, the volume blaring. She can smell coffee brewing, a clear sign that Alex is already awake and out of bed.

Another giggle and this time, the finger is tapping on the dimple that has appeared on her cheek as she does smile.

“What are you doing, Jam?” She asks, keeping her eyes closed.

Her and Alex’s three-year-old daughter, their youngest, giggles once more and Maggie finally opens one eye, seeing her laying on her side next to her, facing her mama. Her smile is wide and bright and her dark brown curls are pulled back in a ponytail with a few loose and tucked behind her ears. She is also still in her pink pajamas with bluebirds printed on them – clearly bought by Alex. Her wife has always been obsessed by bluebirds.

“Have you eaten breakfast yet?” Maggie asks and she giggles again, shaking her head. “Why are you in such a good mood?” She then asks, almost suspiciously and she keeps grinning.

“Sunday! I am happy,” she replies and Maggie feels her heart swelling in her chest. She turns towards Jamie, hugging her tightly and pecking her temple.

She used to bask in the silence of Sunday mornings. When she was able to get a few hours to herself without having any emergencies at the precinct, it was always as quiet as possible. She made sure of it. She had enough noise in her life. But never on her Sunday mornings. She sat in her place, reading her newspaper, eating her double toasted bagel, drinking her black coffee and thinking of how good her life was.

Now though, her life doesn’t know the meaning of the word quiet.

She carries her three-year-old daughter on her back down the stairs, the front door wide open and Gertie standing at the glass storm door, barking and wagging her tail at the squirrel prancing across the front yard. In the living room, thirteen-year-old Olivia is lying on the couch, her legs thrown over the arm, her feet dangling and swinging back and forth, the plugs to her iPod shoved in her ears and one of the dozens of thriller books she owns opened in her hands. 

Maggie enters the living room and Jamie laughs as she gently takes her from her back and tosses her down on the leather armchair.

Maggie grabs the remote from the coffee table and turns down the volume of the television. “Are you actually watching this?”

“Yes,” Olivia answers, not looking up from her book.

Maggie used to take a long hot shower after her paper, black coffee and bagel, standing under the spray of water for no less than a half hour, soaking her body and aching muscles, working out all of the kinks. She was used to being able to take her time, to not having to rush for anything or anyone. She was used to having her own space, a  _ quiet  _ calm space. She was used to not having anyone in that space with her on a Sunday morning.

Alex Danvers-Sawyer is standing at the counter in the kitchen, waiting for the pieces of bread she has put in the toaster to pop back up, when Maggie slides up behind her, her arms wrapping around her waist and she smiles as she hauls her back against her chest.

“You’re up,” she states, resting her hands on her arms and turning her head towards her, Maggie instantly presses her lips against hers in a kiss. “How’d you sleep?”

“After that workout you put me through last night…” Maggie teases her with a knowing smirk before kissing her again.

Alex smiles, almost laughs. “You were just lying there. I was on top.  _ I  _ did all the work.”

Maggie nips at her neck, tightening her arms even more around her waist and Alex does laugh this time, pressing her lips to her jawline. 

“And you were fantastic,” Maggie whispers in her ear and grins when she gets Alex to blush.

“Coffee should be finished. Do you want anything for breakfast? Maybe your gross double-toasted bagel?” Alex asks, reaching out and grabbing the two slices of now toasted bread. Maggie shakes her head, keeping her lips to her neck and knowing that they are alone – for a second anyway – she lifts one hand and cups her breast through the tank top she is wearing. 

 “Maggie, what are you doing?” She whispers.

“Something I definitely shouldn’t be doing,” she answers and then drops her hand again but not to stop. Instead, she glides it back up underneath her top, her fingertips on her bare skin now and she listens to the shaky breath Alex exhales.

“Mommy, I’m hungry!” Jamie announces and Maggie instantly yanks her hand away and Alex tries to collect herself, straightening her tank top.

“What do you have a taste for?” She asks, turning around towards her and then she speaks to Maggie, “Mags? Can you tell Ollie her toast is done?”

“I want hot dogs!” Jamie exclaims with a grin.

“For  _ breakfast _ ?” Alex smiles.

“Vee!” Maggie cries and then she opens up the back door and the instant Gertie hears it open, she runs through the house and before Maggie even realizes it, the dog bolts out into the backyard.

“Olivia!” Maggie calls out again, “Breakfast. You can read after you eat!”

 She closes the back door, leaving Gertrude run and relieve herself in the backyard.

In the kitchen, Alex is now holding Jamie in her arms, resting her on her hip as she pours her a bowl of cereals, humming  _ Blackbird _ by The Beatles to her, making the little girl smile. 

The television is still blaring in the living room and Olivia finally comes into the kitchen, her iPod plugs still in her ears as she grabs the carton of milk from the fridge. 

Alex then sees Maggie standing there at the back door and shifting Jamie onto her other hip, she hands her a cup of coffee, smiling at her.

Maggie sips on the coffee and taking a piece of wheat bread, she shoves it into the toaster, already knowing that it won’t taste anything like a blueberry bagel, even with the jar of blueberry jam Alex bought at the store the day before.

 

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later, they are all dressed but they don’t have any plans to see to that day. A light rain has begun to fall, and Olivia sits on the window seat in the living room, watching the water droplets trail down the glass, tracing a few with the tip of her finger,  the ever present book on her lap and her plugs jammed in her iPod. Maggie sighs, able to hear the rap music blaring.

 “Olivia, turn it down,” she sighs, sitting on the couch with Alex curled up next to her, her own cup of coffee in her hand. “I don’t need to be hearing about that din on a Sunday morning.”

There is the sports section of the newspaper on her legs, forgotten as Jamie, smiling widely, crawls into her.

“I keep telling you, mama,” Olivia says, her eyes still on the book. She pauses to turn to the next page before listening to Maggie and turning down the volume. “Hip-hop music is a legitimate form of music. It is a form of expression in regards to politics, social issues, lifestyles-”

“A lifestyle I want you to have nothing to do with,” Maggie interrupts, wrapping an arm around Jamie while holding her cup of coffee away from her so she doesn’t accidentally knock it. Feeling Alex’s hand on her shoulder, she frowns at her. “What? You have a problem with her listening to this, too.”

“She’s thirteen, Maggie,” Alex reminds her. “And I have learned how to pick my battles. I still remember my teenage punk phase.”

“Anyway, you’re thinking of gangsta rap,” Olivia says, most of her attention still on her book. “Which is a subgenre of hip hop and  _ that   _ is what reflects the violent lifestyles of inner city youth.”

“ _ Fuck that Police _ !” Jamie suddenly exclaims, grinning, and then laughing as Maggie stares at her for a moment before looking at Alex, horrified.

“Oh my goodness, did she just say that?” She asks. 

Alex sits forward, cupping her coffee mug between both hands. “Amy, you shouldn’t listen to that music, sweetie. And that is a very bad word.”

“Why not?” Jamie frowns. “Olivia does.”

“Olivia is older,” Alex says.

Maggie is almost scowling now. “And after knowing that she lets her three-year-old sister listen to it too-”

“I do not!” Olivia exclaims. “She’s always in my room and I am allowed to listen to whatever I want when I am in  _ my _ bedroom.”

“Okay,” Alex interrupts the instant she sees Maggie open her mouth and know that she and their daughter are about to get into their countless argument about this. “Who’s turn is it? Amy? Is it your turn to pick a movie?”

“Mine! Mine!” She says, as Alex is scrolling through their Netflix movies selection.

 “Which one, mommy?” Jamie asks.

“Whichever one you want, Amy,” Alex smiles.

“ _ The Little Mermaid _ !” She eventually exclaims.

“Mermaids don’t make sense,” Olivia sates. “It is impossible for human lungs to handle the amount of pressure found at the bottom of the ocean. Not to mention the weight of the water would crush them to death.”

“I like the songs!” Jamie comments and scrambles off Maggie’s lap, taking her seat next to her mama and snuggling against her hip.

“I read the original novel and the mermaid dies in the real fairy tale,” Olivia says offhandedly, and Maggie gives her a stern look. 

Jamie stares at her. “She dies?” She whispers.

Olivia nods, her attention now on her book again. “The prince marries another and because of her bargain with the sea-witch, the mermaid dies.”

Jamie’s eyes well with tears and she turns, looking towards Maggie and Alex. “Is that true?”

“Of course not,” Maggie instantly refutes. “You knew the movie. She and the guy-”

“Eric,” Alex points out.

“Right. Ariel and Eric live happily ever after.”

Jamie nods and she’s smiling now as the movie is beginning.

Maggie’s Sunday mornings used to be the quietest time of her week. Just her alone and sometimes, the silence was so loud, it used to pound in her ears.

Outside, the drizzle turns into a full-fledged downpour, pounding on the windows and the roof, almost sounding deafening now. Gertie barks and  Olivia has turned the volume of her iPod back up, the steady bass of whatever rap song she is listening to now, able to be heard and Maggie has no idea how she can read and listen to that noise at the same time because to her, it is very much noise instead of music.

Maggie lifts her head when she hears something fall to the floor but seeing that Gertrude’s tail has knocked over a picture frame containing a family photo, she tries to put her attention back on her morning newspaper because even though everything has changed in her life, she still likes to read the Sunday paper in the morning. She may be a wife and a mother and she no longer does any of her routine like she used to do, but she still wants to hold onto something from that period of her life – even if it is as small and insignificant as reading the Sunday paper.

Nevertheless when Alex curls into her side - her coffee in one hand and her other arm sliding across her stomach as she rests her cheek on Maggie’s shoulder- Maggie smiles to herself and turns her lips, pressing them to her wife’s  forehead, making her close her eyes and smile faintly. 

And when Alex lifts her head and whispers an “I love you” in her ear, Maggie tosses the newspaper aside, it now completely forgotten and cups her cheeks in her hands, kissing her on the lips.

In the back of her mind, Maggie has a fleeting thought of where she would be if all of those years earlier, she had stayed away from her and Olivia  like she had initially promised to. She would probably be alone, with her black coffee, bagel and newspaper. 

And she would be able to enjoy all of them in silence. 

Now her Sundays mornings are loud and made of Disney movies, baking and snuggle.

_Thank god_ she had not stayed away.

 


	4. Huggle snuggle time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this prompt:  
> "Alex coming home to find Olivia and Maggie curled up and cuddling sleeping together in bed".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I'm spoiling you. But you deserve it!!!
> 
> This is a very short snippet but I couldn't help. They are too cute and I have to tell you, this snippet is maybe a little too fluffy and corny.
> 
> Either way, hope you'll like it.

Sometimes, no matter how hard Alex tries to prevent her schedule from doing so,shehas to work the night at the hospital. She’s a surgical resident and she’s on-call and it’s her job and responsibility to be there when someone needs her. And sometimes, she won’t return home until the sun is already high into the sky.

She hates night shifts especially because they mean she will miss telling Ollie her bedtime story and snuggling and singing her favorite lullaby. But she isn’t worried, since Maggie will be with her.

She has officially moved to her and Ollie’s apartment just the month before, even though she has been living with them basically for almost a year now, spending all her free time - and nights- with them.

They talked about buying a house, someday. It has always been Alex’s dream: giving Olivia a huge house with a backyard, a dog and maybe even some siblings. But now, her resident salary doesn’t allow that.

The flat is quiet as she steps inside. She takes off her shoes and hangs her leather jacket up in the hall closet. Fortunately, she was able to take her shower at the residents’ locker room, wanting to wash off the hospital smell from her body. Now, she just wants to sleep.

She sees that the Christmas tree in the living room is turned on, the colorful strands of lights reflecting off of the glass ornaments, indicating that Maggie has already been awake.

She walks down the hallway but the is empty as well and further down the hall, she pokes her head into Olivia’s nursery but neither are in there either. Knowing now where they are, she goes into her, and now Maggie’s as well, bedroom. Sure enough, they are on the bed. Maggie is sleeping, her arms around Olivia, but the toddler is wide awake and when she sees Alex, she smiles widely at her and stretches her arms out to her.

“Mommy.”

Alex smiles and pauses a moment to pull her iPhone out and take a picture before coming to the bed. She lifts Olivia from Maggie’s grasp but she doesn’t wake up.

“It’s still too early, Ollie,” Alex whispers and kisses her daughter on the head. “What do you think about cuddling and sleeping a little bit more?"

“Huggle snuggle,” Olivia nods, rubbing her nose against her mom’s neck, and Alex hugs her tightly, inhaling her baby scent. She can't help but giggle too, hearing her daughter quoting her favorite Disney Junior song.

Slowly, she crawls onto the bed beside her girlfriend and she places Olivia between them. She lays on her side, facing Maggie.

Alex puts a protective arm across both Ollie and Maggie’s hip. She closes her eyes and within minutes, she’s asleep.


	5. Hello Sunshine!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The snippet about the morning after Alex and Maggie make love for the first time (and a tiny human will unexpectedly interrupt them!) RATED M
> 
> Based on these prompts:  
> \- Alex and Maggie first time having sex (with Maggie freaking out that Olivia will hear or walk in)
> 
> \- How about the first morning after at Alex's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> First of all, thank you as always for your amazing support. I has to warn you that this snippet has some explicit content as it's about the morning after Alex and Maggie have sex for the first time. So, if you're not comfortable with that, just skip it ;)
> 
> I'm both eager and terrified to know your opinion about this chapter, since I'm always worried when I write smut.
> 
> Hope I won't disappoint you.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> I almost forgot... HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU WHO CELEBRATE!!! I wish you to have a day full of love, gratitude and warmth. Would you like to read a snippet about a typical Danvers-Sawyer Thanksgiving? (don't worry, Maggie won't allow Alex to cook anything, lol)

The sun is rising and they are already awake after only getting a couple of hours of sleep throughout the night. Alex is curled on her side, facing towards the windows, a tired, faint smile on her face. Maggie is behind her, her body curled around hers and she rubs her thumb in gentle circles over her wrist. She feels completely overwhelmed as she thinks of the night they have just shared together – a night of laughing and kissing and touching and… making love. It has been better than any dream she could have ever had.

The first time was slow and gentle, but there were hints of desperation too. They have been together for six months and Maggie wanted it to be perfect for Alex. So they decided to go slow, also because with Olivia and their jobs they haven’t had many chances to be together.

Besides, she knows how much Alex has disliked sex since she began having it. Once, she confessed Maggie she has never been able to have an orgasm from intercourse. Obviously, at that time she completely ignored she was gay, so being with a partner of the wrong sex had been the main cause of her lack of pleasure. But Maggie also knows that having sex has basically meant meaningless flings and one night stands for Alex and they were just a way to cope with her inner conflicts and disappointment towards herself. Her way to feel something, to escape from the numbness that was her life. Nevertheless, after those reckless experiences in strangers’ cars or in bars’ bathrooms, Alex used to feel even more lonely and was full of regret and shame.

The only positive thing coming from that period has been Olivia. She has been her redemption, her reason to fight and put herself back together.

Thus, Maggie wanted to show Alex what making love actually meant.

During their first time together, she was attentive and caring, ready for Alex to tell her that she didn’t want to do that anymore. And Maggie would have stopped the instant she told her to. But Alex never did and Maggie had reveled in the entire experience, being with her in a way that made her body boil. 

She loves her. She really does and being able to be with her like they were last night, she has been so happy and so worried that she wouldn’t like it. 

Maggie wanted to make it so good for Alex because she loves her and wants to be with her. Honestly, she has been surprised when Alex reached for her again during the night, not having expected her to want to have sex a second time. But she has happily obliged and Alex has been bolder and more self-confident.

It has been natural and passionate and lovely. 

And now here they are, sore and tired and tangled together and Maggie smiles to herself. This is the first time,  _ ever _ , that she wants the woman next to her in her bed to stay exactly where she is. Even when she was with Emily, she had always felt anxious and slightly uncomfortable cuddling her. Then again, Emily seemed to hate it when she touched her as soon as the sex was done, but here, she lays with Alex and there’s the faintest smile on her face as she nestles her back closer against her chest.

Wanting more. Wanting her.

“I know you hate the question,” Alex says quietly, her eyes closed. “But if I ask you right now if you’re okay, will you kick me out of bed?”

Maggie smiles a bit wider at that and Alex can practically  _ hear _ it even with her eyes closed. She shifts a little closer to her, too, though their bodies are already so tightly pressed together, there doesn’t seem to be any more room for her to close. Maggie loves though that she tries.

“It’s your bed,” she tells her in a matching quiet tone.

And Alex nearly has to bite down on her tongue to tell her that it could be her bed, too. Even now, she is worried about rushing or pushing Maggie into something she isn’t ready for. 

Alex knows that the old Maggie, the Maggie before her and Olivia, would have been terrified at how things between them are going. The old Maggie would have never been with a baby gay mom like her. But the new Maggie wants to be with them. They both want their lives to merge even more together than they already are and become something great. They feel that being together, they can truly be great and happy. And since they both aren’t used to true and real happiness at all, they are scared that it could vanish.

Maggie lowers her head and lightly brushes her lips across hers. “You know when you wake up and you know immediately what kind of day it’s going to be?” She asks and Alex nods, looking up at her. “For me, it’s going to be a very good day.” Maggie lifts her head and propping up on her elbow, resting her head in her hand, she looks down at her with a dimpled smile on her face. Alex actually beams hearing that and Maggie lowers her head, kissing her again. She feels Alex’s fingers tunnel through her hair and she is the one to open her mouth. Maggie turns and slowly lays down on top of her, their bodies shifting to get more comfortable and with one hand on the back of her neck, Alex’s other hand is on her cleavage, her fingertips brushing along her bare, warm skin. Maggie feels Alex’s legs spread, cradling her hips, and she kisses her deeply, her hand slipping between her head and the pillow, rubbing the back of her head. She kissed her slowly, drinking her in, not wanting this to end. She doesn’t want to get out of the bed because this, waking up with Alex in her arms, she has never felt like this and she knows that she could only feel it with her.

“Are  _ you  _ okay?” Maggie asks, as they end their kissing to catch their breaths.

“I’m a little sore,” Alex confesses. “But I’m happy,” she then adds in a whisper and a smile.

Then, she lifts one of her legs, bringing her thigh against her hip, and Maggie’s other hand grips it, keeping it close. 

Alex kisses her again and their tongues duel with hers and she moans softly, both of her hands on Maggie’s chest now but not to push her away. She is still hesitant, not entirely sure what she’s, but Maggie is nothing if not patient and Alex is so sexy, she doesn’t even have to try. Maggie is more than happy to teach her if Alex wants her to. She seems eager to learn. 

“Maggie,” Alex murmurs when Maggie lifts her lips from hers.

She slithers her body down, pressing her lips to Alex’s collarbone, and her fingers return to her long and wavy hair. Looking up at her, Maggie sees that her eyes are closed and that she’s biting down on her lower lip. She isn’t sure if Alex is nervous or if she is anticipating what she wants to do to her. Alex knows that she can tell her to stop anytime and she will. But she doesn’t say anything and Maggie keeps going, scraping her lips down between her breasts, both of her hands cupping them and giving them a gentle squeeze. She moves lower, the bed sheets now completely covering her, and Alex laughs softly when Maggie gives an open mouthed kiss to one side of her ribs, tickling her.

“Where are you going?” Alex sounds breathless and Maggie’s lips curve into a smile above her bellybutton.

After their first time, Maggie was so caring and tender that Alex almost teared up, utterly amazed by her gentle behavior. 

And now, Maggie runs her tongue up the inside of one of her thighs and she thinks of how she has already been inside of her twice and she is so damn beautiful and addicting. Alex exhales a shaky breath and Maggie moves closer, purposely breathing heavily directly on her. Alex’s hips lift in reaction and Maggie slides her hands underneath her ass, cupping the cheeks, levitating her.

“ _ Maggie _ ,” she whispers, “I…”

Maggie stops and though she can’t see her through the sheet, she looks up towards her anyway. “Do you want me to stop?” She asks.

Alex doesn’t answer and Maggie waits, prepared to bring herself back up her body and not do anything that remotely makes her uncomfortable. Sex is always supposed to be fun and enjoyable and it isn’t about putting pressure on one’s partner into doing things they don’t want.

And then, ever so softly, Alex replies, “No, I don’t want you to stop.”

So, Maggie doesn’t hesitate in reaching her tongue out and touching her. Alex gasps, reacting immediately, and her fingers curling, gripping her hair. Maggie holds her lower body down as it naturally wants to lift from the bed and she touches her again with her tongue, listening to Alex moan softly. Maggie wishes she can watch her but at the same time, there’s something incredibly hot not being able to see her, remaining covered with the sheet. All she can do is hear her and feel her and she can practically  _ smell _ her as she licks her again. 

Alex’s hips tries to twist again but Maggie keeps them pinned down. She’s breathing heavier and when Maggie touches her folds with her fingers, feeling how wet they are already, Alex moans.

Maggie loves that she’s finally doing this. She loves that Alex is letting her. She wants to make this so good for her because she knows she’s the first one to do this and she wants Alex to love it. 

She can see Alex’s chest heaving up and down and she nearly smiles to herself. Instead, she brings her index and middle fingers down, slipping them inside of her. Alex gasps and Maggie feels her nails in her scalp. She doesn’t mind. She pushes her fingers inside, almost all of the way, before slowly pulling them out. Alex is so damn wet, her fingers are already coated with her juices. She pushes them in again and begins a slow steady rhythm that has Alex moaning and gasping and her inner muscles are already squeezing her fingers. 

Maggie licks her clit, dragging her tongue across it and then circling it before latching her lips around it and sucking on it gently. That nearly bucks Alex clear off the bed. Maggie grins and files it away for future reference. Keeping her thumb stimulating her clit, she then dips her head down and removing her fingers, her tongue takes over, covering her with her mouth and tasting her deeply. 

“Mags,” Alex whines and moans, her back bowing sharply from the mattress. 

Maggie closes her  eyes, feeling her warm thighs against her ears and her hands in her hair. She strokes her with her tongue, feeling her grow warmer and wetter and she tries to ignore her own arousal, pressing her hips down on the bed. Right now, this morning is all about Alex. 

A part of Alex still can’t believe that this is happening – that they love one another, that they had sex –  _ twice  _ – and Maggie is now going down on her. It’s incredible and unbelievable and Alex feels so happy. She has never realized that she wasn’t happy until she has found herself falling for Maggie. When it had been her and Olivia, she was happy and satisfied. She had a great and promising career, and she had a daughter who she loved more than anything. It wasn’t until Maggie though did she realize that something was missing and with her, she finally found it. She doesn’t want to lose this. She doesn’t want to let her go. She can only hope silently that she doesn’t want to leave her, either.

“ _ Maggie _ !” Her cry is sharp and her entire body tenses.

Maggie continues with her tongue and fingers on her clit and inside of her and Alex grabs her hair as she comes.

She trembles and shakes and Maggie seems incapable of lifting her mouth from her. She tastes so delicious and addicting. Alex slowly comes down, panting heavily, her body still quivering and Maggie’s hands rub up and down her thighs as she leisurely licks her. Alex’s fingers slowly loosen from her hair and her hands rest on her arms as Maggie hears her trying to slow her breathing down.

“Oh God,” she whispers and Maggie smiles smugly against her.

She freezes however at the distinctive sound of Alex’s bedroom door opening. 

Oh, shit. 

_ Olivia _ . 

She can feel Alex freeze, too, and then she scrambles to pull the bed sheet up over her bare breasts. Maggie doesn’t know what to do. She remains underneath the sheets, unable to move; not sure if she should. She hears Olivia giggle and scamper around the bed to Alex’s side. Alex shifts and Maggie stays as still as she can.

“Hi, mommy,” Olivia says.

“Hi, Ollie. Did you sleep well?” Alex asks, shifting again. “You’re up early.”

Olivia nods, still smiling and Maggie feels how tensed Alex is, a flush of heat spreading throughout her entire body. She has to do something.

Without really thinking about, she crawls back up and flips the top of the sheet over her head, turning and plopping down next to Alex. She is blushing deeply just like she knows she is Olivia is looking with wide eyes before she burst into a smile.

“Morning, Maggie!” She exclaims happily. “What you do? You here,” Olivia points out to her.

Maggie smiles. “Morning, Vee. Mommy has an itch on her leg I was helping her scratch.”

“You sleep here,” Olivia says.

Alex nods. “Yes, Maggie slept here. She sleeps here now,” she says and turns her head to look at Maggie. She swallows. “Only if you want to,” she adds in a lowered voice. “You know I wouldn’t make you if you didn’t want to,” she quickly tries to backpedal and she hates how she sounds like such an idiot.

Maggie doesn’t say anything but she keeps looking at her and she smiles at her faintly. Alex exhales a breath she hasn’t been realizing she was holding and then she nestles against her. Olivia seems quite pleased with the new morning development and she crawls up onto the bed with Alex’s help before she plops down on her mommy’s lap. Alex wraps both arms around her and leans over, kissing her on the head.

The girl giggles happily and Alex gives her one more squeeze before Olivia crawls off of her lap and throws herself down on the foot of the bed, still giggling. Maggie and Alex both smiles and then they look at one another. Maggie’s arm is around her shoulders and she rubs her thumb back and forth along a patch of bare skin. The bed sheet is drawn tightly against their naked form and Alex tucks a strand of hair behind her ear almost shyly. She then lifts a hand and touches Maggie’s lips – the lips that, up until a few minutes ago, were on her in the most intimate of ways.

“Mommy, TV!” Olivia exclaims, pointing to the television Alex has hanging on the wall opposite the bed. She reluctantly turns her head away from Maggie and grabs the controller from her nightstand, turning immediately the tv on where there’s an episode of  _ Masha and the Bear  _ being shown.

She looks back to Maggie, who is still looking up at her, almost curiously. 

“Did you… like that?” Maggie asks softly.

“Are you kidding?” Alex asks in response and Maggie can’t help but grin. “You didn’t have to do that though,” Alex then quietly adds.

“Are  _ you _ kidding?” Maggie replies with a raised eyebrow and Alex blushes. “You have no idea how much I wanted to do that. I want to be able to do everything with you.” Maggie lifts her hand and her thumb brushes along Alex’s bottom lip. “You’re so beautiful,” she tells her, unable to look away.

“I feel warm,” Alex states, resting a hand on her shoulder. “That’s what you do for me. You make me feel warm. You… you make me feel so much.” 

Maggie kisses her, her arm around her shoulder and her hand cups the back of her head. She feels Alex smile against her lips and her hands rubs against her cheeks, twisting her body towards Maggie’s. It’s only when Olivia giggles from something on the television do their lips separate and Maggie grins as Alex blushes, almost laughing. Maggie pecks her forehead and then the side of her neck.

“I think my clothes are on your side,” Alex whispers in her ear.

Maggie nods and then carefully, she turns and peeks over her side of the bed. She bends down and a moment later, sits up again with Alex’s panties and tank top in her hands. Alex grins and takes them from her, leaning in for another kiss. And then with Olivia’s back turned towards them as she sits perched at the foot of the bed, watching the cartoon, Alex quickly makes herself presentable, wearing her panties and tank top as Maggie laughs behind her hand at her. Finally dressed she leans in for another kiss.

“You’re very insatiable,” Maggie notes.

Alex smiles, “I can’t seem to stay away from you.”

Her hand cups the side of Maggie’s neck, her thumb underneath her chin. She stared at her for a moment and Maggie shakes her head slightly. “I don’t want you to stay away,” she said softly and Alex kisses her again.

“I have to get dressed,” Maggie then tells her and Alex nods, reluctantly pulling away.

“Let’s go, Ollie. Time for breakfast,” Alex pushes her side of the covers away and stands up from the bed, stretching her arms above her head, grunting as the muscles pulled.  _ Damn _ , she is sore. She and Maggie had definitely a good night.

“ _Bekfast_!” Olivia says excitedly, leaping to her feet.

Alex tugs on a pair of yoga pants and then Olivia jumps, Alex easily catching her. She looks back at Maggie, still sitting in bed with the bed sheet around her, and they share a smile before Alex leaves the bedroom, closing the door behind her so Maggie can get dressed.

“Mommy, pancakes?” Olivia asks as Alex carries her down the hallway to the kitchen.

“We can definitely have pancakes,” Alex nods.

“Bacon!” Olivia then exclaims, pumping a fist into the air, and Alex laughs.

“With lots and lots of bacon. Cholesterol be damned, today’s going to be a good day,” she grins. 

Olivia chuckles as if she understands what cholesterol is and Alex kisses her on the cheek, giving her a tight squeeze before setting her down on her feet. “Honestly, today’s already a very good day. Want to help me?”

Olivia nods eagerly and there’s a stool Alex got for her so she can stand at the counter with her and she lifts her up now so she can stand on it. As she begins getting all of the ingredients together she will need for the pancake batter, Maggie enters into the kitchen, her face washed, and she is wearing a pair of those short boxer shorts of hers and a t-shirt. She smiles and kisses Olivia on the head before going to the refrigerator for the carton of orange juice.

She laughs slightly when she sees the number of strips of bacon Alex is frying in the frying pan. “Someone’s hungry this morning,” she teases her.

“What can I say? I built up quite the appetite,” Alex smirks at her and she can’t help but laugh and shake her head at her before she rises herself on her toes and kisses her.  

 


	6. Holidaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Maggie, Alex and Olivia host Thanksgiving dinner at their place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am really sorry for this huge delay.   
> I love this story and I’ll never leave it or you. Your support is a great gift to me.   
> Anyway, last weeks have been very hard to me, as I’ve been studying for my finals and kind of feeling blue. I always struggle with myself, seeking perfection and I’m very hard with myself. Obviously, as human beings we cannot be perfect, and the fear of failing and disappointing people around me paralyzes me. Thus, I lose my enthusiasm and don’t want to do anything. It’s irrational and even though I tried, I hadn’t been able to write anything good. I hope to feel better soon and as promised, I tried to give you a nice, happy, merry snippet about Thanksgiving.  
> I have a wonderful family and great people who care about me, so I have a lot to be grateful for. And this chapter is a way to remind me that. I wish I’ll be able to be hopeful, thankful and resilient soon.

 

 

It’s four a.m. and Alex is finally able to come back home after a never ending shift at the hospital. She is exhausted and after taking a quick shower and changing into her pajamas, she goes into the kitchen, checking on the pumpkin pies she made that morning (which truthfully is yesterday, by now.)

 Sensing that someone else is awake, Alex lifts her head and sees four-year-old Olivia standing in the entryway of the kitchen, her dark hair sticking up in several directions, her Frozen pajamas rumpled and her eyes barely open.

“I’m thirsty,” Olivia mumbles, shuffling over to her and Alex smiles.

 She leans forward, giving her a kiss on her temple and then she fills her pink sip-a-cup with water.

 Then Alex pushes the booth next to her out from the counter and Olivia climbs up, sitting down with a yawn and eagerly taking the glass Alex is handing her.

 “Mommy?” she asks, after quenching her thirst.

“Yeah, Ollie?”

“Do I get to help mama make dinner today?” She asks with a hopeful grin.

“You  _ have to  _ help. You’re our little chef,” Alex answers and Olivia grins wider, climbing down from the chair, “Just don’t eat as much as you did last year and throw up again.”

Olivia shrugs unapologetically. “I love Thanksgiving.”

Alex cracks a grin, reaching down and rubbing her daughter on the head. “Ready to go back to bed?”

“Not really,” Olivia shakes her head.

“Too bad. Let’s go.”

Alex flips off the light and lifts the girl in her arms and carrying her out of the kitchen and down the hallway to her bedroom, “Come on, Ollie. Time for bed.”

“I’m not tired anymore,” Olivia whines as Alex settles her back down in her bed with the cupcake bed sheets. “I want it to be Thanksgiving.”

Alex shakes her head slightly, smirking, pulling the covers up over her body. Olivia is likely the only kid, she thinks, that is just as excited for Thanksgiving as most are excited for Christmas. “It is Thanksgiving but it’s still too early to be up yet so just stay in here for a couple more hours,” Alex states, standing up again.

Alex gives her a quick kiss on the head and then heads back towards the door. “Get some sleep. You want your energy for Thanksgiving, don’t you?”

Olivia nods eagerly and then obediently rolls onto her side, snapping her eyes shut. With an exhausted yawn, Alex shuffles back down the hallway into the master bedroom, and with a heavy, relieved sigh, she climbs back onto the bed, her eyes closing the instant they hit the pillow.

“Is everything alright?” Maggie sleepily murmurs and Alex nods.

“Ollie is just having visions of turkey legs and mashed potatoes dancing in her head,” Alex yawns again and even through the darkness, she can hear Maggie smiling.

Maggie rolls onto her side, moving across the bed to where Alex is, and she lays behind her, Alex instantly shifting back, meeting her body, her arm heavy and comforting over her hip, her breath warm and steady on the back of her neck. Her body is warm as it always is and it slowly seeps into Alex.

 “You haven’t kissed me yet,” Maggie pouts and Alex giggles, turning her head and pecking her lips.

“I was having the strangest dream,” Maggie says softly, sleepily.

“Hmmmm,” Alex acknowledges, already more asleep than awake.

“It was you, me and Vee eating Chinese food for Thanksgiving,” she reveals with a faint smile, covering Alex’s hand with hers, linking their fingers together.

“That can most definitely be arranged,” Alex murmurs and she closes her eyes, nestling further back against her body as Maggie wraps her arms tightly around her.

“It’s the first time we’re gonna host Thanksgiving dinner, so I guess it’s out of the question.”

Alex rolls her eyes and falls asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I like doing it,” Maggie says.

“I know you love cooking but you don’t have to stress yourself out if you do everything yourself,” Alex reminds her and Maggie shrugs, her hand never stopping the peeler.

“Kara will be here in a little bit. And so will Lucy,” Maggie tells her. “They can help me. And I really don’t have that much to do.”

Alex frowns. “I don’t want them to help you. They  _ can’t  _ cook. Lucy just gets drunk anytime there’s a holiday anyway.”

Maggie laughs softly. “Getting drunk is what the holidays are all about.”

“Is there any way I can convince you to let me help you, at least?” Alex asks, squeezing Maggie’s hips as she hugs her from behind.

She shakes her head instantly. “You know I like doing this, plus we know you’re a wonderful baker but you can’t cook. Accept it,  _ Danvers _ .”

Alex sighs. “I know.” She turns her head and presses her lips to the point where Maggie’s shoulder and neck meet and she smiles faintly, closing her eyes.

“At least, let me help you peel the rest of those,” Alex says, referring to the pile of potatoes. “Even Olivia could do that.”

 “If you insist,” Maggie smirks, handing her the peeler.

_ Ding! Dong! _

Instantly they hear Olivia running to the front door.

Maggie smiles, dropping the potato and then quickly wiping her hands on the dishtowel. “Our first guests,” she tells Alex and then hurries from the kitchen to see who it is.

She sighs heavily. “Here we go.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex is standing in the kitchen, peeling potatoes per Maggie’s instructions.

Lucy stops dead in her tracks the instant she enters the room.

“What the hell, Sawyer? You said Alex  _ wasn’t _ cooking. That’s the only way you got me to come today,” Lucy frowns and Alex sticks her tongue out at her. 

“No worries,” Maggie laughs. “I love all of you dearly and I don’t want anyone to wind up in the hospital today.”

“Keep talking, Mags,” Alex threatens, shaking her peeler at her fiancée. “You don’t deserve my pies,” she says and Maggie simply smiles at her before leaning over and pressing her lips to hers in a kiss.  

“Who do I have to endure today?” Lucy asks as she sits at the kitchen table, pouring a glass of wine for herself. 

“All our family, of course… That means Mike will be here too,” Maggie answers just as Alex says, “You can leave if you want, Lucy,” giving her a sugary smile but it fades and she now points her peeler at her.

 

* * *

 

 

“John!” Olivia flies off the couch when Alex answers the front door and John Jones steps into the house, Megan behind him. John grins and stoops down, Olivia running into his arms. “Happy Thanksgiving, John!” She exclaims, hugging him.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Miss Olivia,” John beams and kisses her on the side of her head.

“John,” Alex says and John straightens, embracing her. 

When they step back from one another, they smile at one another and John pats her cheek. 

“I guess you already knew Megan,” John declares, tilting his head towards the woman next to him and she steps forward with a smile.

“It’s great you’re here too,” Alex says and genuinely means it as they greet each other. When Alex and Maggie found out that Alex’s boss was dating Maggie’s best friend, it had been a big shock. But then, they couldn’t be happier for them, since John and Megan seem to be meant to each other. 

“Thank you for inviting me,” Megan smiles and Alex rolls her eyes, smirking. “You are family, Megan. Of course we invited you!”.

“John, is Megan your girlfriend?” Olivia suddenly giggles, after Megan kissed her on the cheek..

John clears his throat, not being sure how to answer, and he opens his mouth but then closes it again.

Alex chuckles, closing the front door. “I bet they haven’t had the definitions talk yet, Ollie.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Be careful, Vee,” Maggie warns as she slowly opens the bottom oven door of the double ovens in the kitchen and the little girl peers in when she gently lifts the tinfoil, exposing the slowly browning turkey in the pan.

Her stomach almost growls as she looks at it. “It’s beautiful,” she murmurs and Maggie laughs, kissing the side of her head before taking the turkey baster in hand.

“We get the juices here…” Maggie explains as she presses the top of the baster, gathering some of the turkey juices simmering in the bottom of the pan. “And then we gently pour it back over the turkey.”

“Why?” Olivia asks, watching her every move, wishing she could do it herself but knowing that Maggie will never let her get her hands this close to the oven.

“The juices help keep the turkey moist because there is nothing worse than a dry turkey and also, it helps give it a little bit more flavor,” she answers, doing it a few more times.

“Can I do it?” Olivia feels brave enough to ask and Maggie hesitates for a moment before looking at the eager and hopeful looks in her eyes.

Maggie hands her the baster and she grins so widely, her eyes crinkle at the edges and it almost looks as if she is laughing. She then rests her hand over hers. 

“Careful…” she warns softly, guiding her hand to the pan, allowing her to squeeze the rubber top of the baster before guiding her hand up over the turkey, Olivia standing on her toes to reach it. 

“Just like that. Good job, Vee,” she says and kisses her head as her smile manages to grow even wider. “Want to help me with the cranberries now?” She asks, taking the baster back and closing the oven door.

“I want to help with everything!” She exclaims and Maggie laughs again, nodding.

 

* * *

 

 

“Grandma!” Olivia exclaims excitedly as she opens the front door for Eliza and throws herself against her, the older woman smiling as she wraps an arm around her, hugging her in return, a brown paper bag in the crook of her other arm. “Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Eliza chuckles. “I brought you something.” Reaching into the brown paper bag, she produces a bottle of white grape non-alcoholic sparkling cider and Olivia’s eyes widen when she holds it out for her to take. “Hopefully, you will feel like sharing it with me. And obviously there’s my overrated chocolate pecan pie. You’ll have to share it with your aunt Kara, though.”

“Of course!” Olivia breathes as she hugs the bottle to her chest. “Thank you, Grandma!” She hugs her again and Eliza smiles.

“Mom,” Alex smiles, coming into the living room to greet her, giving her a hug. “Happy Thanksgiving. I’m so happy you were able to come.”

“Thank you for hosting it. With all the work at the lab I would have never been able to make everything ready for today,” she smiles at her daughter.

“Mommy, look! It’s my very own drink,” Olivia eagerly boasts and Alex laughs, taking the bottle from her.

“We better chill this now so it will be cold when we eat dinner,” Alex suggests and handing the bottle back to Olivia, the girl turns and hurries away, heading towards the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

 

“I can’t stand him,” Lucy grumbles into her glass of wine. “He is such a jerk.”

“Lucy,” Maggie sighs, sliding the corn casserole in the oven and setting the timer.

“What?” She shrugs. “Kara knows I can’t stand Mike and she lives with him. She has to know what kind of asshole she’s dating.”

“Kara is our family. You’re her friend,” Maggie reminds her.

“My friendship with her has nothing to do with her boyfriend,” Lucy frowns and then tilting her head back, she downs the rest of her red wine before reaching for the bottle for a refill, leaning back against the counter as she fills her glass. “Did you see the way he raced out of here the instant he knew he could?”

“What?” Maggie can’t help but laugh. “You wanted him to stay here in the kitchen? You will kill him.”

“Probably.” Lucy then smiles. “Now  _ that _ would be a Thanksgiving memory. Homicide.”

“No, Major Lane,” Maggie shakes her head. “Today has to go perfect. It’s the first time we host Thanksgiving dinner here and Ollie loves Thanksgiving and-”

“She probably won’t even remember it, Maggie. She’s four!” Lucy gently intervenes because sometimes, Maggie gets into full-mom mode and must be stopped.

“ _ I  _ will though and when she starts looking through photo albums and is old enough to ask questions, she will want to know why her Aunt Lucy was being led away in handcuffs.”

Lucy bursts out laughing. “Oh, please. Murdering Mike would be completely justifiable and most everyone here would agree with me. I would get the charges dropped and be released, absolutely free.” She pauses. “Besides, I am a lawyer too, don’t forget that.” She then takes a sip of wine. 

 

* * *

 

 

Kara stands at the kitchen counter and Olivia sits in a booth next to her, watching her, as her aunt works on nameplates for the dinner table made out of white construction paper, markers spread out before her. On one side of the paper, she is drawing a pilgrim and on the other side there’s an Indian. And in between is the person’s name written in elegant calligraphy.

“Beautiful!” Olivia beams, mesmerized by her actions.

“Thank you, sweetie.”

“Did you do a centerpiece too?” Maggie asks as she stirs the casserole with the green beans. 

“Nope, Lucy brought flowers,” Kara answers, her concentration on her project never breaking. “I made pinecone turkeys though,” she then points towards her bag on the back of one of the booths before resuming drawing. “Nothing too elaborate. I didn’t want to take anything away from your food.”

Olivia grins and Kara smiles. Alex comes into the kitchen from the living room and going to the counter, she grins when she sees the name cards. 

“Perfect,” she says and kisses her sister’s head. “Ollie, would you help me with the vegetables?”

Olivia eagerly nods and climbs down the booth, standing beside Alex as she goes to the refrigerator, carefully pulling the vegetable tray out, a bowl of ranch dressing in the center surrounded by a colorful array of the veggies Maggie allowed her to cut and arrange earlier. She holds it between her hands then carefully, she carricarries ed it into the living room. The coffee table has several bowls and plates already of different appetizers: pretzels and chips, cheeses and crackers.

“Finally,” Olivia exclaims as Alex carefully sets the tray down. “I’ve been craving cauliflower sooo much!” 

 

* * *

 

 

Both Lucy and Alex wear matching frowns as they watch Mike plop himself down on the couch and begin helping himself to the vegetable and dip platter that has been set out on the coffee table. The pre-game has begun and Olivia is sitting next to her mommy, taking a break from the kitchen and she also stares at Mike as he begins dipping pieces of cauliflower – her favorite – into the ranch dressing.

Mike has just arrived with Kara, who had come bearing her homemade pinecones and has gone into the kitchen to present them to Maggie. Winn, Kara’s best friend since high school, sits on the couch as well. Lucy sits in the leather armchair and Lena and Eliza sit on the loveseat, both women pretending not to notice the other as they sip at their drinks.

Alex and Lucy are frowning because he actually is a jerk and Kara is too good to notice how much smug and kind of manipulative he actually is. Mike seems oblivious to it all though as he watches the pre-game countdown and listens to the sports commentators on their predictions for the game later that day.

Alex suddenly reaches out and snaps the piece of ranch dip covered cauliflower that he is about to eat out of his hand and hands it to Olivia.

“What?” Mike frowns.

“The cauliflower is for Ollie,” Alex says, “ _ Don’t _ eat my daughter’s cauliflower.”

Alex stares at her for a second and then can’t help but smirk. “What about the carrots? Can I eat the carrots?”

“Only if you choke on them,” Lucy answers steadily.

 

* * *

 

 

Eliza does this thing whenever she is over at the her eldest daughter’s house. She can’t seem to help herself. Alex has always  loved taking pictures – Kara, and now Maggie too, constantly tease that she is slowly making them blind with the flash of the camera – and the fireplace mantel in the living room proudly displays dozens of framed photographs. And every time Eliza is there, she looks at all of them. 

Pictures of Olivia when she was a baby, in Alex’s arms. Birthdays and holidays and vacations. One of her dance recitals. And then Maggie began to appear. Eliza can’t be happier for her daughter. Honestly, Eliza hadn’t been thrilled when Alex found out of being pregnant at a such young age. She was worried about her daughter’s future, since becoming a parent is always the hardest and most challenging thing to do. Nevertheless, she gave her all the support and the love she needed, and Alex showed to be up to the situation. Anyway, even though Alex was a great mother and an amazing surgeon, Eliza was afraid of her romantic life. Anybody deserves to love and to be loved and Alex has always seemed pretty indifferent to the topic. Fortunately, Maggie showed up and she completely and utterly changed her daughter’s life. Not only she helped her to figure out about her own sexuality but she basically was her soulmate. 

A picture of Maggie and Alex on one of her birthdays - Alex sitting on Maggie’s lap, their arms wrapped around one another- captures Eliza’s attention. Maggie is kissing Alex’s cheek as her eyes were closed and the most serene smile is across her face.

Eliza loves looking at that picture. She’s so glad Alex had eventually found her happiness and, above all, love.

 

* * *

 

 

Leaving Olivia under the close supervision of Eliza in the kitchen, Lucy sitting at the table with her own bottle of red wine, Maggie hurries to the master bedroom to change out of the clothes jeans and sweater she has been cooking in all day into the dress she is planning on wearing for dinner that night. She rushes into the room, closing and locking the door behind her just in case someone decided to barge in.

Alex is lying on the bed, her eyes closed, her entire body tense, and there is a glass half-full of scotch on the nightstand table. Just as Lucy, and almost everyone else in her family, she can’t stand Mike. Just after graduating, Kara moved to National City and got a job at the CatCo WorldWide Media. There, she met Mike and they’ve been together for the past ten months. When they had been dating for barely three months,he had broken her heart, cheating on her with another intern. Kara being Kara - so gleeful, kind and naive- eventually forgave him. Anyway, Alex didn’t. She hates him. And she strongly believes he’s gonna make her little sister suffer again.

“What are you doing?” Maggie asks, peeling her sweater off over her head.

“Getting drunk,” Alex answers, keeping her eyes closed, only opening them when she feels the dip of the mattress and cracking them open, she sees Maggie, clad in her jeans and red lace bra, kneeling between her feet. Seeing her like that, her body instantly begins to react before she can even control herself. “What are  _ you _ doing?”

“I have nothing to do except the crescent rolls and the potatoes are boiling, ready to be mashed. Eliza’s making the salads and the green bean casserole…” she trails off, frowning. “I feel like I’m forgetting something.”

“You’re not,” Alex quickly assures her, pushing herself up on her elbows. “You’ve made enough food to feed the entire city.”

“No… I am definitely forgetting something,” Maggie says, continuing to frown, and Alex watches her as her hands slowly reach out towards the button of her jeans.

“Mags…  what-” she tries to ask but her mind has already gone blank, her stomach clenching as Maggie’s fingers pop the button open and then slowly lowers the zipper, the sound hissing throughout the room, Alex’s breathing already uneven and her heart pounding in her ears.

Maggie smiles at her and then taking hold of her jeans and panties, she pulls them down, Alex lifting her hips to help and she moans, dropping her head back as one of Maggie’s hands rubs her hip.

“I’ve barely eaten anything all day,” Maggie murmurs and Alex almost comes right then. They both know how much she loves it when she talks dirty like that.

“There are all our friends and family in the other room,” Alex says, trying to get herself under control though when Maggie begins to draw small circles on her thigh, it is almost impossible to.

“You have been needing to relax all day,” she smiles softly. “Besides, you just need to be quiet...” she trails off and Alex groans again, forcing herself to watch, as Maggie lowers her head. She presses a kiss to her stomach right below her bellybutton and then she disappears beneath her navel.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m hungry!” Olivia whines. “I want to eat it now!”

“Not yet, Ollie,” Alex says calmly because she does this with every major holiday. Apparently she has inherited Kara’s appetite.  “I told you that everything should be ready by five and that’s less than an hour away.”

“But mommy-”

“Here,” she cuts her off and taking a small bowl down from the cabinet, she scoops out a tiny helping of the stuffing and hands it to her with a fork. “But that’s it until dinner. You already ate sandwiches at lunch.”

Olivia grins up at her and then going over to the table where Lucy is still sitting with her bottle of wine, she climbs up and plops down into the chair next to her. “Do you want some, Aunt Lucy?” She asks, holding a helping out on her fork towards her.

Lucy smiles and shakes her head. “I’m alright, Ollie. You eat it.”

She happily guides the fork to her own mouth with a big grin.

Kara enters the kitchen with Eliza behind her. 

“Do you need any help, Alex?” She asks.

Alex smiles. “No, mom. Thank you, you’ve already done too much for being our guest. Go and watch the game with everyone else.”

“Grandma!” Olivia exclaims. “You want some stuffing?”

“Why does Ollie get stuffing already?” Kara frowns.

“Because you know how she gets when she’s hungry, Kara. And she’s four,” Alex says though she gets another small bowl and scoops out a minimal helping for Kara as well. “I’m serious, you two. Nothing more until dinner.”

“Thanks, Alex,” Kara beams, going to the table happily and beginning to eat. Maggie makes the best stuffing.

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner is almost ready and almost everyone is helping set the table and carry the food from the kitchen. All that is left is the turkey and Maggie holds the oven door open for Alex as she carefully pulls it out and carries it over to the counter. Maggie slowly and gently pulls back the tinfoil, revealing the perfectly cooked, golden brown bird. Olivia grins and widens her eyes. She loves turkey. 

Maggie sighs with relief. She has been so worried about ruining the turkey and ruining everyone’s Thanksgiving. “It looks alright,” she nods. 

“Amazing, mama!” Olivia exclaims with eagerness and a rumbling stomach.

“What if it’s dry?” Maggie asks.  

“Well, then we’ll eat dry turkey,” Alex says, sharpening the carving knife. Seeing Maggie staring at the turkey, she sets everything down and then comes to stand behind her, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her back against her chest. She kisses her cheek and Maggie sighs, closing her eyes. 

“Thanksgiving is important, especially for Vee,” Maggie whispers. “All of this… I just want to give her something to remember and maybe do with her own families someday.” 

Alex shakes her head. “I meant… why do you worry yourself like this? I understand it’s the first Thanksgiving dinner we host here and you made all by yourself. You’re a great cook and we all appreciate your work and love you. Well… except Mike, maybe.”

Maggie smiles faintly and turns her head towards her. She kisses her. “I love you very much,” she then whispers and Alex smiles.

“You too, forever,” she gives Maggie a kiss on her forehead. “I feel like I’ve barely seen you today,” she says. “We’re supposed to be together.” 

“Well, maybe if you didn’t spend all day sitting on your ass…” Maggie teases, giggling. 

“Oh!” Alex barks out a laugh, pulling away from her, swatting at her ass, and Maggie laughs laughed. “I made pies, peeled potatoes and cut vegetables!”

She picks up the carving knife again and two-prong fork. “Ollie, do you want to say something before I start cutting?” She then asks Olivia, who’s still staring at the turkey.

“Alright, turkey,” Olivia solemnly says. “Don’t suck.”

Maggie grins, also adding her own plea silently of the turkey not sucking.

 

 

* * *

 

 

In total, there are twelve people and everyone is seated around the large dining room table, with glasses of wine and non-alcoholic sparkling cider for Olivia, and there’s food seemingly everywhere. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, whipped sweet potatoes, rolls, green bean casserole, two different kinds of cranberries – fresh and canned – and a corn casserole. 

“Everything looks amazing, Maggie,” Kara gushes and Maggie smiles, blushing as everyone echoes her sentiments.

“Can we eat now?” Olivia is practically squirming in her seat. 

“Just a quick toast,” Alex says, grabbing her wine glass, locking her eyes on Maggie. “To family, friends and food. And to Maggie for giving me all of it.”

Maggie’s eyes almost brim with tears and she is grinning, almost laughing with embarrassment, as everyone clinks their glasses together in the toast and Alex leans over and sliding a hand onto the back of her neck, she kisses her.

 

* * *

 

 

The meal lasts for three hours – of everyone talking and laughing and stuffing themselves. Alex, Eliza and John mostly talk about the hospital. Lucy and Maggie has one another in stitches, regaling one another with their most  “outrageous” sexual experiences while Kara listens, blushing and eating almost the entire corn casserole by herself. Maggie knows how much she loves it and made it only for her. 

Lena, James (Kara’s friends from work) and Winn talk about work at the CatCo, which Lena has bought just the month before. Olivia is talking Megan’s ear off about the recipes and how her mama is the best cook in the world.

Maggie isn’t able to eat much, feeling exhausted and she forces herself to eat a small forkful of the whipped sweet potatoes and she smiles faintly when she feels Alex’s hand slide onto her thigh underneath the table. They turn their heads and look at one another. They don’t say anything but then again, they don’t really have to. Alex smiles when Maggie picks her hand up and presses a kiss to the middle of her palm and she then leans forward, resting her forehead against hers and they both grin.

 

* * *

 

 

Everyone eats the pumpkin pies Alex baked and they watch the football game on television. Ollie falls asleep on the carpet under the coffee table and Alex carries her to lay her down in her bed. After that, one by one, they all start to leave, except Lucy and Kara.

 Maggie is curled up on the couch, the beer she has been drinking dangling from the tips of her fingers. Kara has switched off the football game and has now flipped to one of the movie stations, and Lucy sits on the other side of the couch from Maggie, also drinking a bottle of beer, everyone watching the movie.

Alex sinks down next to Maggie and instantly stretches her arm across the back of the couch behind her, the detective shifting towards her, resting her head on her shoulder and Alex  wraps her arm around her.

Maggie hands Alex her beer bottle and nestles closer into her body, closing her eyes.

Within minutes, she is fast asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Maggie sits at the kitchen table, having just heated up a plate of leftover turkey and stuffing, her stomach having woken her up since she had barely eaten at all that day. She moans softly, pleasurably, as she chews on a piece of turkey and she leans back in her chair, closing her eyes with a smile.

“Should I be jealous?” Alex asks suddenly from the doorway of the kitchen and Maggie sits up almost guiltily, her cheeks puffed out with her mouth full of stuffing. Alex smirks, moving towards her. “You usually only moan like that when I’m doing something to you.”

Maggie manages to chew and swallow and then she sends her a sheepish smile as she sits down tiredly next to her. “What are you doing up?” Maggie asks.

“What are  _ you _ doing up besides sneaking leftovers like a thief in the night?” Alex teases and Maggie smiles, gathering another forkful of stuffing and guiding it carefully towards her. She smiles wider when Alex opens her mouth and she feeds it to her. “Mmmm,” it is her turn to moan now and Maggie laughs softly. “God, Mags. You really do make the best stuffing.”

She laughs at that, meeting her lips briefly with hers, and she feels one of Alex’s hands tangle in her hair but she pulls away, smiling as she frowns. She takes another helping of stuffing, this time for her.

“I really didn’t eat anything today besides you,” she says with a mischievous smile and if Alex was eating anything at the moment, she would have choked. Maggie laughs again.

Alex stares at her in shock for a moment, blushing, as Maggie has just said one of the dirtiest things she has ever heard her say. But that shock eases into appreciation and she smirks, nodding her head with approval.

 


	7. I get to drownin' in the Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has post-partum depression.
> 
> This chapter is slightly angsty, dealing with depression and mentioning past self-harm. If you are not comfortable with this topic, feel free to skip it . ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your precious support and for your kind words. Writing is helping me a lot. For this reason, I decided to update this chapter, dealing with Alex’s depression. It has been a kind of catharsis for me.  
> I’m feeling better and hope I’ll be completely good soon. I promise I’ll answer to your great comments and, above all, to fulfill your prompts.  
> Thank you for keeping to follow me and read this story.❤

  
  


There’s something dark inside of her. That is the only way she has ever been able to describe it. There’s something dark clinging to the inside walls of her body that never leaves. Sometimes, it goes to sleep and doesn’t wake for some time, allowing her to live her life as anyone else does. There’s always that prick in the back of her head that won’t let her forget about the darkness though. When she and Olivia are playing in the park, when she and Maggie are making love, when she’s laughing with Kara, she knows that the darkness is still inside of her, lying dormant, just waiting.

She has a lot to be thankful for. A wonderful family, a great wife, an amazing career. Nevertheless, sometimes, the darkness inside of her is just so much stronger and she feels as if there is absolutely nothing she can do to stop it.

 

* * *

 

 

The day Olivia was born, she can look back on it and say,  _ truthfully,  _  that it was one of the happiest days of her life. She had carried this baby for nine months, feeling it grow and nurturing it and loving it, and then when she gave birth and the midwife placed her new baby daughter into her arms, she cried from complete happiness. Kara and Eliza did, too.

She has loved her immediately and she took her home and she had her own family then.

Olivia is the best thing in her life, but also a reminder of the old and dangerous path of recklessness and self-destruction she had taken before her arrival.

When she was grieving her dead father.

When she felt lonely and inadequate and numb and she had even tried to cut herself, reaching the lowest point in her life. A small little jagged cut on the tops of her right thigh. She just wanted to feel something.

When she felt as though she would have never been enough. She wasn’t enough pretty. She wasn’t enough kind. She wasn’t enough smart. Apparently, she just wasn’t enough.

But Olivia has shown her she truly is enough. Everyday, she shows her how much valuable life actually  is.

 

* * *

 

 

After Olivia is born, there isn’t sadness for a long time. It is the only time in her life that she almost forgets about it. She is so busy, being a resident and a mother to a small child and she’s exhausted but still happy and for months, the darkness sleeps, not stirring. She also almost naively thinks that maybe, Olivia’s birth and, after that, Maggie’s unexpected arrival into her life have crushed it completely. Maybe finding love has changed absolutely everything for her.

Months later however, when the darkness wakes up and reminds her of its presence, she feels caught off-guard and she feels stupid for thinking that it had gone away forever.

She is able to hold off until Olivia is at preschool and Maggie is at work. Only then does she goes into her room, curl into a ball on the bed, and cry.

 

* * *

 

 

She can’t seem to help herself from being sad but she hates doing that to Maggie. She never wants to see her or Olivia  sad. She never wants to see them be like her.

She can’t help it, though. Even if there is a lot to be grateful for. And she can’t deny that there are so many happy moments, too.

 

 

* * *

 

 

She’s so happy when she and Olivia go out – just the two of them. She has never forgotten how there was a time when Olivia was the only person in the world to see her. She was the only person who paid any attention to her at all and the little girl is so in love with her. She had been more than partially responsible in helping her put herself back together again. Their relationship is special and unbreakable.

Olivia is living a phase, wanting to be a girly-girl. She loves dressing like a princess, only wanting to ever wear shades of pink and purple and she loves putting her own outfits together.

Olivia also loves baking chocolate chip cookies with her mommy.

She loves seeing Olivia smile and giggle and chatter happily. And that makes her happy.

 

* * *

 

 

She’s always happy when she’s with Maggie and it’s just the two of them in their bed, watching movies and eating snacks at midnight. They will talk and laugh and kiss and she can be completely silly in front of her and Maggie will watch her with a smile as if everything she does absolutely fascinates her.

She loves her so much and she almost always wonders why she loves her.

 

* * *

 

 

“You take care of me,” she says one night, her hand resting on Maggie’s cheek as her wife’s hands rub her night lotion along her calves.

“Always,” Maggie smiles at her.

“Do I take care of you?” Alex is almost afraid to ask but she does anyway.

“Always,” Maggie takes her hand and kisses the inside of her wrist, looking at her.

She wants to believe her.

 

* * *

 

 

Maggie is ecstatic about the new baby and she is, too. Just like with her pregnancy with Olivia, though, she is also scared but she keeps that to herself. She was terrified that Ollie would be like her but she’s ten now and so happy all of the time and now she’s worried that this baby will be like her instead. 

She doesn’t tell anyone. Her body grows with each month and she and Maggie pick colors to paint the new nursery – they are keeping the sex of the baby a surprise – and they buy diapers and clothes and everything they will need and Kara and Lucy throw her a baby shower.

At night, she lies awake, resting her hands on her bump, feeling the baby move inside, and she bites down on her lip to keep from crying.

 

* * *

 

 

She tries her best to keep it from their kid. She goes to Olivia’s dance lessons and helps her with her science projects. She and Maggie make love and Maggie takes her out on dates, reminding her that one of her favorite things in the world to do is spoil her.

She smiles and laughs and goes through each day, keeping everything else to herself.

 

* * *

 

 

Jamie Zoe Danvers-Sawyer is born in the middle of a brutal winter cold wave. She’s beautiful and pink.

She cradles her newborn daughter and kisses her on the head and holds her close.

She loves her so much already.

Jamie is perfect. She needs to stay that way.

 

* * *

 

 

A week after Jamie’s born and they bring her home, the darkness hits and it’s bad. Really bad. She can’t pull herself from bed and she curls into a ball underneath the covers, her chest aching with hollowness and she has to concentrate on breathing.

Maggie doesn’t know what to do. She asks her if she should call Kara, Eliza or even John, but she shakes her head and says that she’ll be downstairs in a little bit.

It takes her nearly three hours and when she comes down into the living room, Maggie is holding Jamie and she grins, showing her dimples. She stands up, asking her if she wants to hold the baby. She aches as she looks at her daughter. But she shakes her head. She doesn’t want to hold her.

She looks perfect in Maggie’s arms. She doesn’t want to ruin her.

“What’s wrong?” Maggie can’t help but ask even though that is always such a loaded, difficult question for her to answer.

It’s a question she never knows how to respond to and in her head, she hears a completely different one being asked.

What’s wrong  _ with you _ ?

 

* * *

 

 

Maggie takes time off from work but she can’t be away from the precinct forever and she tells her that she doesn’t want to but she begins interviewing nannies – just someone who can come and help out with the kids, especially Jamie, after school and get dinner started. The woman they go with is named Paige and she’s a very nice woman but she doesn’t like her because Paige is doing everything that she’s supposed to do but can’t. Paige only makes her hate herself more.

 

* * *

 

 

She is sitting in bed, feeling blue, and Maggie is on the phone with John.

The bedroom door cracks open and Olivia pokes her head in. Without a word, the ten-year-old comes in and climbs onto the bed. Olivia takes her hand and holds it between both of hers, looking at her.

She hates herself for making her young daughter act so much older than she should.

 

* * *

 

 

“Post-partum depression,” Dr. Hamilton, the therapist recommended by John, says to both her and Maggie at the next day’s session.

“I knew it,” Maggie whispers but she doesn’t say anything and looks down at her hands in her lap as if she is begin scolded by her parents. “What do we do?”

“Alex,” Dr. Hamilton leans forward in her chair. “Therapy and maybe even medications do help.”

“Alex,” Maggie says and she looks at her. Maggie’s hand reaches out to clutch one of hers and she sees tears in her beautiful eyes. It slams into her chest and she stretches her other hand, resting it on her cheek. “I can’t do this without you,” Maggie whispers, shaking her head. She scoots closer to her on the couch. “I need you.”

She then voices the question that is always in the back of her mind. “Why me?”

“I love you,” Maggie is still whispering and there are tears on her cheeks. She hates seeing her cry more than anything. “Our daughters need you. I need you. Without you, I’m not me.”

She leans towards her and her fingers slide back behind her neck. She kisses the tears from her cheeks and Maggie wraps her arms around her, holding her close.

“I love you,” she whispers to her. “I really do, Mags. I love you.”

She doesn’t grin widely like she usually does but there is a small smile and her arms slide around her shoulders, hugging her, holding her, clinging to her. She has no idea what she would do if she didn’t have Maggie to cling to.

 

* * *

 

 

When Olivia was just a little girl she wanted to always be with her. With Jamie though, she has kept her distance except during feedings. There is something inside of her  that keeps her away. She sees Jamie smiling and squealing with laughter and she thinks that if she gets too close, Jamie will sense the sadness and she’ll never be the same. She even has Maggie’s dimples and Alex loves them but they also reminds her that she cannot ruin her with her darkness.

She keeps taking the pills and writing down in her journal and she goes into the baby’s nursery one afternoon. Jamie is lying in her crib, having just woken up from her nap. When she sees her lean over the crib, Jamie grins a gummy smile and kicks her legs. Slowly, she reaches down and lifts the baby in her arms. Jamie is still smiling and her fingers clutch a strand of auburn hair.

She stares at her baby daughter – a few months old already – and she’s missed so much. She hates her darkness. She hates her depression. She just wants to be normal. She just wants to be able to get out of bed every morning and worry about nothing except her wife and their daughters and their life. She doesn’t want to think of nothing but pills and therapy and post-partum depression and any other form of depression she could have. It’s exhausting and frustrating and she hates all of it.

Jamie giggles and she watches her. She and Maggie made such a beautiful baby.

She shifts Jamie in her arms and holds her closer. Jamie keeps smiling. She isn’t ruined.

 

* * *

 

 

Maggie is in bed with her laptop, checking her emails, and she looks up, instantly smiling when she sees her come into the bedroom, Jamie still in her arms. She is humming, rubbing a hand up and down Jamie’s back and the baby is slowly drifting off to sleep, her head resting against her mommy’s chest. She gives Maggie a small smile and then goes into the bathroom, still humming, still rocking her body and swaying her to sleep. She takes her pills, swallowing gulps of water. She comes back out and carefully, she gets into bed, Jamie resting heavily against her chest, sleeping now.

Maggie is still watching – the laptop forgotten. She loves watching Alex with their daughters.

“I’m sorry I…” she pauses, trying to gather the right words. “I don’t mean to,” she says softly, lifting her eyes, meeting hers. “I don’t want to be like this.”

“I know, Alex,” Maggie says just as quietly. “But it’s a part of you and I love you.”

She exhales a shaky breath and then making sure Jamie is still asleep, she presses her lips to Maggie’s in a kiss. Maggie’s hands frame her face and she kisses her deeply. It has been too long since they have truly kissed one another.

“You take care of me,” she tells Maggie once their lips part.

“Always,” Maggie smiles at her, her thumb brushing along her cheek.

“Do I take care of you?” She stares deeply into her eyes.

She can feel the hollow ache. It’s still there but it’s fading. She can feel it fade. It will fade and it will come back and then fade again. They will go through this again and they both know it.

Maggie’s hand slips back into her hair, cradling her head, not wanting to stop touching her. “Always.”


End file.
